Ayla

It's been almost a week since we lost Ayla. I'm still not used to her being gone. I keep thinking she'll come right around the corner, or I keep listening for her sighs or nails clicking on the tile. I never thought I'd miss her this much.

Truthfully, she was always "Steve's dog". He bought her before we started dating, and I liked her, but I have never been a fan of big dogs. She was always in my way and I felt like I was constantly having to step over her because she was laying in the doorway of a room, or just always standing behind me so that when I'd turn around, I'd nearly fall over! This was annoying to say the least. But she just wanted to be around people...as I'm sure you all gathered from the fact that as soon as she saw you, she'd be sniffing you and just generally up in your biz.

So, whenever I thought about the dreaded day that we'd lose either dog, I never really thought it was going to be "that hard" to lose Ayla. I thought, "Oh, I'll be the strong one when Ayla passes. And Steve will be the strong one when Izzy passes." Wow. I was wrong.

Obviously, it was very hard on Steve to lose her. She was his first dog that he'd ever owned by himself. And let's face it, she was a sweetie pie. He loved her so much. When he called me Friday morning & told me, he was choking back tears. And when he got home, I hugged him & he started sobbing. I've never heard him cry like that before. And THAT made me cry. There we were, standing in the kitchen sobbing. That didn't go as I had planned. I planned to be strong and tell him it was okay. EPIC FAIL.

Later that day when we picked her up to take her to Moberly to bury her, he was the strong one. I was not. I saw her as they laid her in the back of our car, and I just started sobbing. I cried half the way to Moberly. I cried so hard I had a headache.

I miss her. More than I ever thought I would. Yesterday we got a sympathy card from the vet w/ a piece of paper that had Ayla's paw print on it. I lost it again. There hasn't been a day that's gone by since she passed that I haven't cried about it. Maybe it's because I just feel bad that she died alone. Or that we weren't able to save her fast enough. Or maybe it's just the fact that deep down, I really was crazy about that silly dog who was always in my way.